AN IMPOVERISHED CHEF REPLIES TO A COOKING MAGAZINE QUESTION

Grab the book, magazine, or newspaper nearest you and open up to a random page. Start your story with the first line at the top of the page and end your story with the last line at the bottom of the page.

[http://www.writersdigest.com/prompts/from-random-page-to-story]

My source: The Pasta Machine Cookbook (Donna Rathmell German, 2005, pg. 18)

AN IMPOVERISHED CHEF REPLIES TO A COOKING MAGAZINE QUESTION:

Well, I use a mortar and pestle, but they could also be crushed in a zip lock bag with a rolling pin.

The biggest problem, I found, was to get them to hold still long enough to catch them. Well, once you turn the lights on. Then it's a mad scramble. You're running around the kitchen with the bucket or coffee cup or even a shoe, if that's all you have (I've seen it done).

At the same time, though, they are scampering to and fro. Quick little buggers. Trying to get back under the refrigerator or behind the cabinets or under the sink. They are usually successful. The key to your success is to anticipate their escape and block it off. Sometimes you can funnel them to where you want them using newspapers or hockey sticks or laundry. Every now and then you get lucky. A dust pan makes a good transport vehicle

I keep them in a Tupperware container with a couple of holes poked in the top. (I keep it separate from my other Tupperware.) For a good batch, I try to get a large handful. I typically eyeball it because the squirming in your hand takes some time to get used to. And you don't want to lose any. I've also found that while the bigger ones have more “chew,” the little ones are sweeter. I would recommend a 50:50 mix. Though, you can always adjust for your preferences. Don't keep them for more than a week or so.

So, the worst part is this next one. Unlike lobsters, the best meat is not in the legs. In fact, I'm not sure there is any meat in the legs. Truth be told though, the legs need to be removed. Take a swig, take a deep breath and get to it. Ugh, I don't like it either but it goes pretty quickly.

Now you have to homogenize them. If you are using the mortal and pestle, you'll need to give them a little “bop” or they will crawl out. This isn't an issue with the ziplock bags because you can ziplock the bag. Take another swig and get to work.

So once they in a nice, fine paste (whether mortar/pestled or ziplock/rolling-pinned), you can add the rest of the ingredients.

Ideally, you'd use semolina flour, to be authentic, but all-purpose will do. Mix it in thoroughly - probably 50:50, until you have a nice dough. Add a little salt (there will be salt in the water so don't overdo it) and some pepper. You don't need eggs because you have the binder already.

Let the dough rest under a damp towel for 30 minutes. Then roll it out, or use your machine, to get the desired thickness. I prefer a fettuccine style (with an Alfredo sauce), but it's up to you. Tagliatelle would also be good. Fusilli and farfalle are probably not worth the effort.

For cooking, the water should already be at a rolling boil and well-salted (like seawater). I don't subscribe to the “oil in the pasta water” school. Cook until al dente.

Like any project, the proper equipment is the key. If you don't have one, you can probably borrow a mortar and pestle from your neighbor. Get ziplock bags at any grocery store.

There are pots available at kitchen shops or department stores that are designed specifically for pasta cooking.